Old Man Tim(e)

It started simply enough... an attempt to cop-out of actually doing a blog entry, but instead do a sort of "Year in Review" type thing where I just reminisce about this past year to which we will soon bid farewell.

Trouble is, I can't seem to remember much from this year, but here's my list of stuff worth noting in 2006 that I came up with in like 20 minutes or so:

1. Pearl Jam releases self-titled album (love it or hate it, I took my pick)
   
2. Turning 30 didn't end the universe as we know it (or did it?)
   
3. 'Stranger Than Fiction' made me smile even more than 'Little Miss Sunshine' did
   
4. John and Kim got all hitched-up (Yay for pinecones... but what about #2?)
   
5. Against all odds, I somehow managed to upgrade my car situation (rethinking #2)
   
6. Say hello to our little friends: Eva, Lily & Noah
   (Where's the link, Grossardts?)
7. Okie State beats Nebraska... at football, and wins a bowl game (seriously... #2??)
   
8. Barrett, Crippin, Heather, Jerry, Kim, Lucas & Amber, and Spring show me the ways of the blogosphere
9. I laughed myself silly watching the end of the Bears vs. Cardinals Monday Night Football game
10. You actually read this (Lame-O-Meter Threat Level: Orange)

Feel free to add your own tidbits of trivia, experiences of exhilaration, moments of memorabilia, stories of success, details of despair, remarks to remember, or appalling abuses of alliteration from 2006.

See ya next year,

Tim "Donkey Kong Jr." James

A Cup of Good Cheer

'Twas the week before Christmas and time for a blog,
But I'd thought of nothing, my mind was a fog.

I am looking forward to Christmas vacation,
as home with the family is my destination.

But before I can get there there's things left to do
like rearrange woodblocks and play my kazoo.

The house is all piled up with laundry and bills;
coupon upon coupon promising great deals.

So much going on, what with shopping and work
and trying to drive without being a jerk.

Not the best 'something' in which to create,
so I opted instead to procrastinate.

But time has a way of still marching along
despite my best efforts to shorten its song.

So here I sit now just a few days away
from the time of the year that we give things away.

But 'The Perfect Gift' is oft hard to find
Is it more 'in the Spirit' to be just and kind?

"The thought is what counts!" that's my Christmas cry,
the problem is most times it just doesn't fly.

There's friends to remember and strangers in need.
To fill all the stockings: well... daunting indeed.

"Peace on Earth" to happen, must begin somewhere.
Could it be just as simple as showing you care?

Here I am now rambling on in this post
and still haven't said what I wanted to most.

Try to think back to a friend or a toy
or a part of your life that has given you Joy.

Pause for a moment, and stop to consider
how big of a treasure it is to remember.

These times that we're given; hold onto them tight
for someday they'll help in the darkness of night.

We're all on this journey, single threads in a rope,
specs of dust all, but yet able to hope.

So share when you're able, and ask when in need.
For nothing unites like a heartfelt good deed.

And while in the 'real world' of daily routine,
you're filling your place in a greater machine.

By touching one life, when given a chance,
you're playing your part in this life's grand dance.

All is not perfect, I'm first to admit,
But you make a difference with each little bit.

Now down off my soapbox I'll take a quick step
I guess this no longer inside could be kept.

With these few typed words, I've now met my goal
Of making an entry not leaving a hole.

This one last warning the author admits:
I don't do a good job of giving out gifts.

So if I get you nothing, don't take it as bad.
It's just that I'm lazy and not that I'm mad.

Tim "person of the year" James

Having Solved All Other Problems...

I was wanting to rant about Dr. James Dobson's take on the new movie 'Happy Feet' that I overheard on the radio (around 17:40 - 21:00 in the broadcast) this week over lunch (I tuned in with the express intent of getting frustrated... mission accomplished)


Apparently the fact that a little penguin is an outcast and different than the other penguins, doesn't fit in, and tells his dad he needs to be accepted for who he is means that 'Happy Feet' is promoting the 'homosexual agenda'... thus obviously bringing on the age of the Apocalypse. 'Happy Feet' for crying out loud. And then, the Focus on the Family movie review is for the most part positive:

"Gratifyingly... the film doesn't appear to boast any banner other than, 'Friendship and love can overcome any difference.'"

But I won't rant about that, ranting is no good for the soul. Chicken soup, however...

Tim "I don't understand this world in which I live" James

Thank you very much

Wow. This is an interesting take on The King to say the least.

One has to wonder about an Elvis impersonation act that is performed in Welsh, by a bald dude, doesn't use Elvis songs, and involves a gold coffin.

Kinda reminds me of Bubba Ho-tep, that cinematic piece of gold where:

"Elvis and JFK, both alive and in nursing homes, fight for the souls of their fellow residents as they battle an ancient Egyptian Mummy"

That and the to-be-released next July Reese's peanut butter cup with banana creme in the middle in honor of The King.

"It brings The King's favorite taste of peanut butter and banana to life, and it's a fantastic way to bring two American icons together."

Or the 'jailhouse Elvises' who helped Davenport, Iowa dig out of the big snow last week.

I don't make this stuff up... at least I don't think I do.

Tim "won't share his Elvis drawing" James

Coolest Sculptures Ever

I wish I'd thought of this first.

Tim "hey, at least it's an entry" James

The Giving of Thanks

It's that time of year again, when the family starts trying to get together more often, the leaves all fall down, the food seems to come in larger and more frequent quantities, those people in New York are putting the finishing touches on their floats, the winter coats come out of storage, the college football bowl schedule begins to take shape, the Christmas lights go up (unless you never took them down), the Great Pumpkin has come and gone, the "Good morning window-frost" routine is begun again, Retail Stores are aglow with Christmas Spirit, and we here in North America have given it a name: Thanksgiving.So give a little thanks this season. Or better yet, a lot of thanks. Even better, do it the whole year round. Stop all the madness and running about and take time to reflect on the high points you've encountered on this a here Journey we call Life.

And be thankful you're not Clyde '05. The best laid plans...

Tim "fan of tryptophan" James

Calling Tech Support

So everyone at the company gets an email today from the IT department concerning 'missing' items in Outlook's 'Deleted Items' folder. The reason these items went 'missing' is that something runs regularly on the server to remove old items from the 'Deleted Items' folder.

Apparently this has caused some people concern.

Enough concern that we ALL got an email about it. Company-wide emergency style.

I'm sorry, what was the issue again? I DELETED an email, and now it's gone!!?! How can this be!??! Will the madness never end!!?!

A line from the email:

"IT recommends that e-mail users do not store messages in their Deleted Items folder"

Wow. Sheer brilliance, I say.

Tim "where'd I put that SPAM again?" James

When in Barbados...

So let me get this straight... I'm walking along in the evening, enjoying the night air and the beautiful scenery on my perfect vacation when I begin to notice that perhaps there's something a little bit off about the sound the 'gravel' makes as I walk. Further investigation reveals: Giant African Snails. Wow. Who knew?

Sure glad I'm not vacationing in the Caribbean right now.

Well, actually, on second thought, I think I could maybe handle the giant, ravenous, fast-multiplying, African land snails given a few weeks to get used to it.

Perhaps three would do.

Yeah, three would do nicely.

Oh, and here's another article I thought was interesting, but didn't know how to berate properly.

Tim "buy one get one" James

Best Plans Ever

Sometimes you've gotta wonder what people are thinking. Okay, most times you've gotta wonder what people are thinking because you probably can't read minds (but if you can, I feel your pain), and most people don't just spend their days blurting out a constant stream of play-by-play on what's going on in their noggins... well, most people who don't have blogs I guess. That said, you've really gotta wonder what the following folks were thinking.

First up: Mr. "I know the perfect solution for not catching my plane". Wow. What a brilliant scheme! What could possibly go wrong with that idea? I dunno what they teach at 'college' in Florida, but it doesn't appear Avoiding Momentary Gross Lapses in Judgement 101 is on the required list. Come to think of it, I don't know of any schools that even offer, much less require, that particular course. Hmmm... perhaps we could add Applied Common Sense 211 and Principles of Sanity 305 and have ourselves a little honorary degree program going on.

Next we have the "Missed that little detail" group of geniuses here. Too bad they couldn't get away with those heating pipes, that would have been quite the little score, let me tell you what.

And then, today's "Robbers mistake empty bag for cash" story brought to you by Stockholm. Any article that uses the word 'comeuppance' is gonna sway me in the elections of coolness that are due to start anytime now (and I'm sure I'll be asked to vote). I also gotta hand it to any pair of robbers that make their getaway on a moped. That's some uber-coolness there.

To close out the round, we'll finish with a little bit of "Why I decided to start a blog" fodder. Take that, Google News! If transcripts were just made available for the 'breaking news' stories that air constantly and the celebrity interviews that go along with them. Nothing but Primo Grade-A news articles would be searchable then, and Google News would finally become relevant for our time, dontcha think?

Tim "5-gallon bucket" James

Carve Up a Winner

With these step-by-step instructions, I'm sure to win the pumpkin carving contest this year!!

• "Scroll down and learn how to create your very own."

Sounds like a good plan. I'll take you up on this challenge, I've got my pumpkin and I'm ready to go. Bring it on!

• "Picking out the right pumpkin is very important."

Ahh. I see. With instructions like these, I'm sure to succeed!! Hopefully the one I got is "right".

• "After a few hundred mess ups you will begin to know just exactly..."

Uhm... hold on just a second, let me get this straight... A few hundred mess-ups to BEGIN to know?!!?! Dang, yo. Hmmm... Where am I gonna find 100+ "right" pumpkins? That's gonna take a little time, methinks.

• "Hard to explain but the pictures may explain."

Uhm... no. It's not working. Perhaps some video would help me out here. That or a little bit of sculpting ability. After my hundred and eleventeenth failure, I'm sure not getting too worried about the 45° X-Acto teeth.

• "Hope you enjoyed our tutorial."

If by 'enjoyed' you mean 'found interesting, promising, and delightfully simple, yet ultimately unrepeatable' then yes, yes I did.

Oh well, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. There's always next year...

Tim "sticking to Paint" James